C H R I S T M A S

This Christmas is different from the past ones, more than just the decorations... It's about being a mother... I could understand better how much a sacrifice it was for God to send His only begotten Son. Sending is not the matter, but for the Son to go through all the torture on the way to the Cross and at the Cross.. is something no parent will ever want or accept to see their child go through.

Having Zara open my eyes to understand that we are God's adopted people. We were not the chosen tribe and was never given a place in the house, till Jesus paid the price to bring us Home.

Someone once commented to me, that no one will love a child whose not their own as much as their own. I think I must say that I totally disagree with it and I believe many mummies who are like me will say the same. Whether I have another child, it's up to God and His timing.. but with or without, Zara is still my very loved daughter. Nothing is going to change that fact, since the day she came into this family. I believe the same goes for us, as we enter into God's house. If you cannot accept that a mother can love their adopted child as her own, then you will never be able to accept the truth that God loves us as His own.

Decorations done by: ME!

I'm so constantly reminded of God's love for us, the price Jesus paid on the Cross.. and how much God loves Zara, to give her a future and a hope.. having all these planned for her, that she may be in His house, even before she is born.. and how much God loves us, to bring her into our lives.

(I am) God's adopted people

During this journey, of course many 'what ifs' flooded our minds. what if they feel that they are not loved because they are adopted? What if they want to look for their birth parents? what if? what if? what if? and what if they ask about their birth? how should i reveal it to the child next time?

As all these questions came naturally to mind, i prayed and asked God how should i explain to Zara next time about adoption. And as i prayed, God revealed the best story to me and i teared.

I am not born a Jew, not God's own people by birth.
I am a Gentile.
I am God's adopted people.

Because of His love,
He paid a price (through Jesus Christ) to bring me back to Him.
He made it possible to have a relationship with Him.
He poured out His love over me and took me as His own.
For the first time, i could call Him "Abba Father"
He brought me into His house and gave me a family i did not have.
He promised me a future and placed eternity in my heart.
He prepared for me an inheritance i was not entitled to.
A brand new life.

Adoption has been like a taboo word in most culture and tradition. So is it wrong to want to adopt a child not for some noble reasons but simply because you really wanted a child? Personally, i think that if a couple feels that they have got love to give, why not? How blessed is the child who is given that opportunity to be loved!

We will pour out our love on Zara and teach her the way of the Lord, to the best we know how. Even if, we eventually have our own child, we will love them just the same. Like how God love us unconditionally and without partiality, we aim to do that to the best we know how.

Give up or Surrender?

Many have asked, have you tried the many many possible methods like the Chinese traditional ways, IVF, medical procedures etc?

My answer is, yes we have tried in our own ways and yes there are medical limitations.

Why didn't we go for IVF?

Firstly, yes IVF have helped many people, but I think IVF is not a solution to everything and everyone? As much as it has helped many, there were even more who didn't work out that are not spoken of. In fact, many people whom i know only got pregnant after giving up trying IVF.

Some asked, why would we chose to adopt and not wait for our own miracle child?

Is it because we no longer have faith that God can bless us with a child of our own?

Did we adopt because we have given up trying?

We have faith that God will bless us with our miracle child and we still believe. We are still praying and trusting God. The decision to adopt has nothing to do with our faith and trust in God. We will and have not given up.

So why did we choose to adopt?

We will share in the next post :)

Gift from God

Some may ask: 'Is there a faith crisis?'
I would laugh at that question.

First of all, we believe that Zara is a gift from God :) going through many different seasons of life in the past 5 years, i think Zara is the best gift thus far.

Though she did not came about as many have expected and could only accept, I believe we have prayed and God has answered our prayer in His very own way.

I believe she is in the plan of God and brought to us through different angels.

Some may know that the waiting process was also not easy through the constant changing and uncertainty about the outcome of the baby. Somehow, we just know that God has reserved her for us.

Romans 8:28

All things works together for the good for those we love Him and are called according to His purpose

Falling in love with her at first sight and every single day after.

The official beginning!

This is my 2nd time meeting this little angel. Since our first meeting, we have fallen in love with her and have been thinking and missing her the few days of waiting.

After feeding her and changing her into some clean clothes, we were off on our journey home to a special beginning for both me and ivan, and for this little angel. From this day, we will name her ZARA YEO JING EN.

We pray that she will grow up in the way of the Lord, loving God, loving His people, loving His house and loving His presence. Grow up strong and healthy, serving and shining for His glory.

On the way home, she was peacefully sleeping in her car seat :)

And then when we got home, she eat, diaper change and sleep so peacefully.

And Ivan just couldn't get his eyes off her.

Honestly, the reality hasn't quite set in yet. The reality that i am now a mother. The reality that there is this tiny being that i need to take care of and take responsibility of. But i'm sure it will soon!

However, not having the advantage of the 9 months to prepare and to research and etc. 

I am very thankful for friends!

For Peihua who came in the afternoon to give advise, to accompany me 

and also to teach me how to bath her. 

For Jo, who came with a cute balloon for Zara, gave advise and prayed for Ivan, baby Zara and me.

For Weifang, Yang zheng and Isabelle who came after work and school to visit and have dinner with us.

For Kimmy and Kimmy's Mummy who came by just to shower her with their love.

<3 <3 <3

What is more important than silver and gold?

Been thinking for very long... What to write and when to write...
Unlike younger days where you can speak and share all your feelings and thoughts on your personal blog, blogs had since never been something personal these days.

Something has been on my mind...
What is more important than silver and gold?
Some people will say that there are many things that are more important!
Some will say that, we are living in a world where money may not be everything, but we cannot do anything without money. Both sentence are true, in terms of things that money can buy.

I consider health and extending of life spend something money 'can buy'. Not that we can buy health but i have seen people sick... people healed... people's life extended during to treatments (That costs more than common people can afford)... people died... some because it's time.. but some because they were never given the chance to go through any treatment due to the high medical cost. This is vanity of vanities.

I consider justice is something that 'can be bought'. This scale is often connected with law and justice. The statue of justice is the judge having a scale on one hand and a sword on the other, with their eyes blindfolded. It is suppose to symbolise justice and impartiality. But i have seen people going to jail.. some for crimes they committed.. some for a case they cannot afford to fight due to lawyer fees.. I have seen people go free.. despite of the crime they committed, because they could get for themselves the best lawyer and creates the best evidence. This is also vanity of vanities.

Living in a world where almost everything can be purchased with money, what else is important? To me, one word, VALUES.

ONE OF MY VALUES

When i first came to City Harvest Church, someone taught me this. Back then, i was only in Secondary 2 when it happened. It was the time where my school was making us sell coupons. The little booklet with coupons, $10 per piece and $100 per booklet. Everyone is to sell 1 or more booklets, at least for my school, it was compulsory.

That year, i lost the booklet that i was suppose to sell. I did sold a few of the coupons but there is no proof to proof that i only sold a few instead of the whole booklet and trying to keep the money or something. I was very very stress. I didn't know what to do. Back then, i spoke to someone more senior in the Cell Group and he told me this.

"The difference about being a Christian is not that we will never make mistakes. It's when we do, we admit it and bear the responsibility that comes with it. For the truth shall set us free." 

That word gave me courage and becomes one of the strongest value in my life. I admitted to the teachers that i lost the booklet and made a police report for it. And i know that even if i had to pay $100 for misplacing the booklet, i learn to take responsibility of my own actions.

Till this day, i am still constantly reminded of this person because though it was just a small incident, he placed a fundamental foundation in my life. Admitting your mistakes and bearing the consequences that comes with it may not be a easy thing. Maybe you are reading and think that my lesson was only $100 and its nothing compared to yours. But $100 means ALOT to me as a secondary 2 student back in the 1990s when chicken rice or noodles will only cost $2. A complete meal with a drinks will cost me less than $3.

UOB ADS

Recently there was a UOB advertisement on TV. Where the father told the son specifically not to touch a particular vase because it is very very expensive. One day the father came home and noticed that the son had touched the vase. Though the son did not break it, only simply touched the vase to take a look at it. The father called the son into the room and asked if he touched the vase, then he broke the vase in front of the son. Because there's nothing more valuable then our values. In that sense, was trust.

But i think everything comes down to our values in life. How we deal with circumstances.. How we learn to take up responsibility of things we did or failed to do.. We all make mistake from time to time.. Some small, some really big... but what is more valuable than silver or gold... Reputation? with man or with God?

Another thing i learnt then was, God is more concern with our character than our comfort.

Understanding Depression!

I came across this by the "World Health Organization" and i thought it was really helpful. Share it with people you love and care about because anyone could be suffering from depression that you didn't know about.

Personally, i do have my own periods of depression. But it is important how you deal with them. You can look through the images for:
- the statistics of depression all over the world
- what causes depression
- different types of depression and its symptoms
- seek help
- successful people with depression

Lastly at the end, you will find my personal tips to coping with depression :)

My tips to coping with depression are:
- surround yourself with friends, real friends!
- Pray and talk to your God! no one can be with you 24/7 except Him
- be active in your lifestyle. this will be hard but you got to purposefully go out and not stay home or in bed
- have a routine and stick with it
- it's ok to ask for help! there are a lot of helplines and counsellors and church leaders who are very trained in dealing with depression
- you need to know that you are not alone and you are not the only one going through this
- lastly, do happy things. Things that you love and you will enjoy!

Vanity Fact #3 - Time and Life

On my way home, i heard this saying..

We have a general mindset of how life should be..
birth -> baby -> childhood -> teenage -> youth -> adult -> mid-life -> senior -> elderly -> death

At every stage, we can't wait to grow to the next stage
and we always tell ourselves "someday i will do this"
"hopefully, someday i will do that".. "someday~" "someday~"

Until a day, where sickness or unforeseen circumstances strikes...
we say "If only i had did this"
"i wish i have done that"

Most people will tell you that
"i want to live till 60, or some 70, 80"
but do the bees count their days?
do the fishes in the sea and birds in the air count their days?

"Vanity of vanities, all is vanity"
This just remind me of all that Pastor Tan shared in service today.
Vanity - for it is uncontrollable and uncertain

Who can be sure of what is going to happen tomorrow?
For the rain will fall when the clouds are heavy
To be alive is a miracle in itself
Will you be thankful in good times and in bad times?
Will you rejoice in them all, knowing that God is in control
He is the Creator of both Day and Night.

How will you live your life?
Counting your days? or
Trusting God that He is in control and that everything will fall into place according to His time.
There is no one template fits all, when it comes to our life.
one thing i know...
All things works together for good to those who love Him and are called according to His purpose!

55-years to a miracle

Based on a true story.

55 years ago, a daughter was born to the family. However, on the 3 days she was given away to an adopting parents. In those times, life in Singapore was not really easy. After world war 2, Singapore took awhile to rebuild. Those were the years where Singapore, from Japanese occupation became under British colonial and then to become part of Malaysia... And eventually come out independent in the year 1965.

She was the 3rd child of the family, shortly after a brother who is slightly a year older than her. Having a hard life, the decision was made with the intention that she will live a better life with her adopted parents. However, things did not turn out the way her mother expected. At least not exactly how she thought it would be.

After giving her away, the mother regretted and secretly went to visit her baby girl. Some times she would even bring her older children along to find her and bring gifts, hoping to see her. But to no avail at all, as the adopting parents refused to allow them to meet and warned her to stop visiting.

This girl grew up with step-siblings who looked down on her and abused her, knowing that she is an adopted child. She would wake up early morning to do the laundry and all the necessary housework, going to the market etc before going to school. And eventually into her working years and her dating years and then to marriage. Things did not turn any better still. Instead the bias-ness of the adopted mother towards her and her step-siblings got even more obvious and direct.

Things only took a slight turn at her 40th year, where on a work trip, she met Jesus and was healed of her sinus that was with her since birth. There she give her life to Christ. After the trip, she was not sure if her adopted mother would allow her to attend church, as they had been very staunched Buddhist. But God did a work in her heart and the adopted mother allowed her to attend church.

Praying for the salvation of the adopted mother, she took got saved after a few years of constant loving her despite of how she would treat her and the some times hurtful words that she would use against her.

All the way into the late years of the adopted mother, she stayed by her side, working hard to pay off all her medical bills and expenses all by herself. She did not complain. There are nights where she would cry herself to sleep, feeling all alone in this and hoping for siblings who would stand by her.

At her 47th year, her adopted mother went to be with The Lord. Being faithful to God, she brought her children up in the way of The Lord, to the best of her abilities. 

2 months back, after a service in church, a church sister prophesied that a miracle will happen in her life. Being child-like in her faith, she believed that a miracle will happen! On her way home with another church sister, they took the MRT. Halfway though the journey, she notied someone smiling at her. Feeling uneasy about strangers smiling at her since young, she turned her back away.

At her station when she got off the train, the same lady ran up to her! And said,

"Do you use to live at ********?"

So she replied, "why do you ask?"

The lady then said that "I'm looking for my lost 2nd sister, who was given away"

Still feeling unsure, she asked for the name of the biological mother of this lady, because all she knew about her biological family is only the name of her mother.

When the lady mentioned the name of her mother, she knew that the name is the name of her biological mother. With great joy, they sat down and chatted!

So still confused at the boldness of this lady, her sister. She asked how is she so sure that she is her sister, and that she would approach her?

This lady said that she looked like their eldest sister and the way she talk looks like her younger sister. She has been looking for her sister all her life and she know that she cannot miss this opportunity! Hence, the boldness to approach her. There's a total of 4 sisters, including the girl. And they have another 4 brothers.

For all her life, she did not know about her biological mother's visits when she was young. Growing up feeling rejected and unwanted, now she is restored to a very big family of 8 siblings! The following day, she met up with all the sisters and the following week with all the siblings! They checked the birth cert and etc and confirmed that they are biological siblings! Indeed, it is a miracle! There are many people who tried looking for their biological family through medias and various methods but to no avail, and yet God did such a great miracle! Because of her simple faith in the spoken word!

After reuniting, the siblings told her that all the days of the life of her biological mother, she had been regretting that she gave her away and told all of them that they had a lost sister who was given away. And told them to look for her and don't stop looking for her! Unfortunately, her biological mother passed away shortly after she moved out of the old residential place. Due to the lost of contact or knowing her whereabouts after the move, as she totally had no idea where her daughter had moved to, she went into depression and passed away shortly.

Hearing all these, brought tears to her eyes, knowing that the mother had never stopped looking for her. The love of the biological parents and siblings came rushing into her heart and God did a healing work. Though it took 55 years, it's a miracle as great as the pain she had went through. God heard all her silent tears and crying out for siblings who would standby her. He did not give her 1, not 2... But a total of 7 siblings! And her siblings loved her so much and would stood by her anytime! Her usual uneventful weekends all her life, suddenly are filled with much family events and family time with her siblings!

I know this is true because it's my family story... God is a miracle working God, if you will only believe!

Stay in Barcelona (Part 1)

Observing the city of Barcelona..

What attracted me most are the very colourful details, graffiti art and the beautiful architectures!

Photographer: ME!

Below is one of the famous building designed by Antoni Guadi.

I love his work so much! Every piece is a masterpiece!

Even the balcony looks like a mask and it reminds me of the theatre show that i always wanted to watch live! Phantom of the Opera!

Photographer: ME!

Antoni Gaudi was a Catholic and you can see how he puts details of God and religious images into his masterpieces that earned him his nickname "God's architect". I will be posting more of his masterpieces and you will understand why he deserve this nickname.

This building is now a museum and you can see big crowds already gathering early in the morning, queueing to enter this beautiful place. Due to the tight schedule i am on this trip, i gotta give this a miss. Looking forward to another opportunity back to Barcelona where i can visit this museum!

Kingdom of heaven (Part 1)

Was contemplating about this kingdom of heaven and was reminded of a few interesting aspects of it.

The first thing that I was reminded of is regarding money and wealth.
The world sees money as a very important thing in their lives and some even value it more than their own life itself.
I saw how people choose the establish relationships and friendships with people who are high flyers and so-called high key people, the rich; the wealthy; the famous; the well-known... And would very much want to be associated with them.

Yet, Jesus came and associated himself with the unloved, unworthy, unpopular.. To me, this is the kingdom of heaven - to love the unloved, to reach the unreached, to give a value to those who feel that they are not worthy, to bring those who are outcasted close.. And not be afraid to be associated with them. We are in the world, but not of the world.

The bible says, we cannot serve 2 masters, God and mammon, for if we love one, we will hate the other.

The world sets itself on a mode to get and store up for itself the riches of this world. But I was reminded of something I learnt back in 2006 when I was attending SOT. One teaching that impacted me till today.

When you need money, don't sell your things, give them away. For it's more blessed to give than to receive.

Many many many times in the bible, it was shown that as the man or woman of God put their trust in God, pouring out the exact thing they needed most on the altar, God will take care of their needs!
- the widow who is left with a jar of oil
- Elijah who poured water on the offering in the midst of a drought
- and many more

Yes, money is essential for survival in this world where everything is dollar and cents. I'm not saying that we should be on a extreme of not working and just trusting God to provide, because the bible says that, he who does not labor shall not eat.

But what I am saying is, are you motivated by money? Is money having it's stronghold in your life? If just like the rich young ruler, God is to call you to sell and give away all your possessions, properties, shares etc and follow Him, will you so gladly do it or will you be grieved for your possessions are much?

Friend or foe

This has always been a question in my mind. I'm not sure if I am over thinking or does anyone thinks about this as much as I do. I think I review this all the time especially with all the recent happenings. But still I guess some things never change and some things do change over time.

There's a saying in the Chinese, that "friends keep you close, but enemies keep you closer".

Have you ever felt like you are not sure whether someone is a friend or a foe?

Of course this don't happen to me all the time but a few times/person I guess. Friends who are so close but yet they give you a vibe that is strange, sending a shiver down your spine and leave you wondering... I always believe in giving people a 2nd chance or the benefit of doubt, believing that over time things will change!

There are friendships that I will say that I am willing to protect with my life, because I believe that friendship has got eternal value. But I guess if Jesus had judas and He still loved him till the cross, I need to accept the fact that there will always be people who are close to you for a different motive and may even deliver you to the cross. 

It takes more than just love to lay down your life for those who persecute you and sent you to the cross. It takes the perfect love of God, agape.

Tests in our lives

Every situation in life, is a lesson to learn.
Very often this learning attitude will determine how well you 'pass' or 'fail' the test.

Like we often said, your attitude determines your altitude!

Talking about test, i think our lives are filled with test from the very day we know to make sense of anything.
Almost when you couldn't even remember, we are often tested on our integrity and moral principals like,
- did you take the cookies from the cookies jag?
- who broke the glasses?
- did you take any cold drinks in school?
- have you finish your homework? (Most of the time when you are catching your favourite TV series or cartoon show)
even in little things like this, the test had already begun.

When we entered pre-school, the termly test known as exams begun. It remains constant for almost a huge fraction of our lives. To many, it seems unnecessary but to me, i think it prepares us for the real test in life.

One thing i learn about test are,
IF YOU FAIL, YOU WILL HAVE TO SIT FOR IT AGAIN!
Are you tested in your love for people? Trust in God? perseverance through difficult times?
Know that we have a God who is more interested in our character than comfort!
The grace is, you get to sit for the test AGAIN!
The way to pass is not depending on your own strength but the grace of God is sufficient for you!

You only move on after you actually pass the test.
I believe in every situation, God is testing both the tester and the testee.
The tester is often the one tested with bitterness and hurt, who in turn tries to hurt or put the testee through a trial due to that hurt or pain he explained that was not deal with properly; temptation to betray to protect oneself or for the benefit of one.
Whilst the test for the testee is how he/she will handle the situation without feeling bitter about the tester, but yet in all, choose to love.

Recently, even before these incidents happened, God spoke to me when i am in the bathroom, as always.
I was feeling a lot about this and about that and sometimes felt that certain things someone did, can be done better etc.
I guess it's just human, but God came and said to me that, the reason why He allowed me to feel a certain way is not so that i can be complaining all day, but to the change agent!
Be the one to make a change!

If there's a way to make the world a better place, it always begins with the man in the mirror!
So i decided that i want to start something NEW called 'Celebrating your success!' where we can come together to support and share the joy of one another's success!
Sometimes it can be quite emotional when you feel that no one is sharing your joy.
We will be there not just for the good times but we will also be there for the bad times!

Lord, strengthen me that i can be the change agent and make this family a better place, a place where we can be united to know you more!

Choosing the path

With the most recent thing i read, i think i felt even more than how i felt about the haze PSI that went up to 401. I guess there is no right or wrong, just different perspective of issues. When people are, there will always be different views and understanding of things i guess.

What i just read did not cause me to feel waived or doubt the church at all. In fact, it cause me to feel like i probably could understand what he is going through. I was on that path a short while back.

In life, there are always many paths. The broad way and the narrow way. Usually it is harder to stay on the right path than to go astray. Situations may happen, but it is how we response that God is looking at. People may be in the same situation but sitting for a different test.

The truth is for us to choose to love and show mercy despite of the shortcomings, not for us to judge. Christ did not come to judge but to save those who are lost. 

We are saved by love, for love.

*Praying that the love of God will move and soften the hardened heart*

Reflections!

Photographer: Me!

More than 10,000 feet above the earth, on my way home from Shanghai. This trip opened my eyes to a whole new paradigm. Meeting the man behind the vision, makes me really think and reflect on what have i been doing with my life and the business God has given to me in the past 2 years.

This october will make the 3rd year of working in the beauty line, as an aesthetician. Though i was not what i saw myself doing before this, i guess it is time to do something still. It was like a talent that God has given and if God is going to come back, i will be found hiding it in the ground. God multiples those who work and make sure of the talent that was placed in their hands, regardless of whether was it 1, 3 or 5 talents.

Being alone on the plane and having 4 whole hours to myself, i started planning and thinking of some promotional ideas. Unlike other businesses, my business works in a completely by appointment only basis. Having hardly any time for walk-ins, unless to make appointment for a further date, it makes promotions a completely different ball game all together.

Understanding how God can use my business as a blessing to others, is the very first thing that should be gotten straight.

Busy with what matters!

Sorry have been really really busy since i got back from my trip from Surabaya! It was the trip of the year for me!

Compared to all my other trips to various places, this is really the best trip in many years. This is not a shopping trip for me, it is a mission trip. It has been almost 2-3 years since i last went on a mission trip before this.

Busy but yet fulfilling. This trip reminded me alot of the things that are important to me and therefore since i was back, i have been really busy with them.

1) The top priority was my commitment to God again
Have been on a cruising season for awhile and it is time to get back on my feet! Have been going from meetings to meetings but yet only feeling even more energetic than ever! Cell group meetings, prayer meetings, leaders meetings, services to services... City Harvest Church, My Church My Life!

2) Friends
i am not a person who lives in my own fish tank behind this computer screen. I believe that God put everyone into our lives for a purpose even if they are just 'passing by' a season of our lives. From these trip, i got to know 20 awesome people and though some of them i met never get to meet again, the 2 weeks with them was the most well spent ever. even though i maybe very 'saving up' but yet when it comes to them, i know i will spend and i will sow into their lives. Thank God for 'Whatsapp' that still allows us to stay connected even though many of them are back in their own countries at the extreme parts of this world. I know that someday, we will meet again!

So happy that one of them are visiting next weekend! it's gonna be a girls night out!

3) Something greater
i don't know how to explain this and neither am i there yet. But i know God had began this work already and it will be done according to His time!

Was reminded of the 70, 12, and 3... something i always say last time. who is the 3 in my life and who are the 12? i think i know who are my 2 but can't really identify the 3rd one yet. At the same time, i wish i am one of the 3 that will be able to be close too.

Everything is made beautiful in His time!

Dress to Honor, Not to Impress

Living in an environment where people don't really dress up, they always thinks that people who dress up are out to impress or to show off the things they have. But for me, I only learnt to dress up to honor.

From young, I am just like anyone else. Dressing the same way regardless of where you are going. Neighborhood, orchard road, nearby shopping mall, it's all the same. Till I met Someone who made me want to dress up for!

Photographer: Ivan Yeo (Husband)

I met Him when I was 14, one day outside the old Hollywood Theatre at Paya Lebar. Since then, I will only dress up every Saturday when I go to church, City Harvest Church. Not for anyone to see, but for God to see. Not to impress Him, but as a form of honor to Him. I want to look my best, beacause I love Him. These carries on through my teenage years and now as I entered into the workforce, I realized that it is the same in all areas. When you dress up for an event or for a person, it is not just a form of love, but a form of honor and respect to the person you are going to meet!

The effort you take to dress up and prepare for the meeting, shows how much you honor and respect the person and how much they mean to you! Many couples stop dressing up for each other after getting together. Try showing them how much they mean to you by doing your best to look best for them. You will be amazed by the results you will see! ;) Love can be rekindled!