C H R I S T M A S

This Christmas is different from the past ones, more than just the decorations... It's about being a mother... I could understand better how much a sacrifice it was for God to send His only begotten Son. Sending is not the matter, but for the Son to go through all the torture on the way to the Cross and at the Cross.. is something no parent will ever want or accept to see their child go through.

Having Zara open my eyes to understand that we are God's adopted people. We were not the chosen tribe and was never given a place in the house, till Jesus paid the price to bring us Home.

Someone once commented to me, that no one will love a child whose not their own as much as their own. I think I must say that I totally disagree with it and I believe many mummies who are like me will say the same. Whether I have another child, it's up to God and His timing.. but with or without, Zara is still my very loved daughter. Nothing is going to change that fact, since the day she came into this family. I believe the same goes for us, as we enter into God's house. If you cannot accept that a mother can love their adopted child as her own, then you will never be able to accept the truth that God loves us as His own.

Decorations done by: ME!

I'm so constantly reminded of God's love for us, the price Jesus paid on the Cross.. and how much God loves Zara, to give her a future and a hope.. having all these planned for her, that she may be in His house, even before she is born.. and how much God loves us, to bring her into our lives.

The Parenting Journey

I have been down with flu the past few days and cannot stick close to Zara.. so i decided to take some time to write about how was the journey thus far..

The past months have been quite a journey as i learn to be a mother..
learning, reading, experimenting about parenting...

The one thing i learnt is really that parenting is like a religion and you should NEVER enter into a debate with anyone about parenting style :p

There are different school of thought for EVERYTHING!
- Eating methods
- Sleeping methods
- what milk formula
- what moisturiser
- discipling methods

There are always different ways of doing things and which is the best way?
I believe, different parents + different child = requires a different method
Even same parents, different child requires a different method
A method works for one doesn't mean it will work for all
but i think parents should be open to try different methods if one does not work, until you find the method that works best for you :)

TRANSITIONS
When a training method is in place, there may be times that you will realise that you are moving backwards in the training.

Take for example: sleep training, suddenly you realise that your child wakes up in the middle of the night for milk.
don't panic :)

There are different transitions that will cause sudden change in habits example:
- growth spur
- travelling
- break in other routines
- sickness
- changes in environment
- new inclusion to family

Don't worry about these periods because they will pass and they do not mean that your method is not working :)

I am her's and she is mine!

2 Days back, we had our first Baby Shower for the relatives. As usual, relatives will have a lot of 'DOs & DON'Ts' for you. But the best advise i heard that day is " you are the parent so you decide what do and what don't".

Some relatives were 'concerned' that family's friends are asking how come they did not see me pregnant and blah blah blah. They told me that i should not let people know that she is adopted, and maybe i should not post her photos so much on social media to avoid questioning and just 'lay low'.

Yes! I did not disappear from my friends and family members; hide from the world; delete my social media for 9-10 months so that people will think that maybe i was pregnant and they did not know, and i will definitely not stop posting photos of Zara or 'lay low'.. 

Because i will not for a moment be ashamed or embarrass of her!

And not for a moment will i ever want her to feel that we are not proud of her!

She is not an accident. 

She is beautifully and wonderfully made in the image of God.

She is chosen, an elect, destined to be placed into this family and into His house (City Harvest Church)

She is now mine and i am her's

She will have everything i had planned and reserved for my child

Nothing less.

Everyday i am reminded of God's mercy and His goodness in her.

I am my Beloved's and my Beloved is mine!

Having a helper or not?

"Why do you need a helper?

Why can't you do EVERYTHING yourself?"

- Commonly asked

People who didn't know me well will wonder why did i have to had a helper since end last year. Do i really need a helper when it's just me and my husband? Am i not capable of handling the household chores?

Like many young couples these days, we battled with the thought of NOT having a helper. Not in terms of the need to get one because we cannot handle the housework, but more of the inconvenience of having another person in the house, privacy issues and etc. For 2 years, we have been handling our chores fine and there was no need for a helper.

Since 2012, my in-laws were diagnosed with cancer consecutively. Mother-in-law diagnosed with Ovarian cancer that spread very quickly affecting the Small intestines and soon the Liver, till she was without treatment from government hospitals. In 2013, Father-in-law diagnosed with Colon cancer stage 4 that had also spread around the area. Mid 2014, we were thankful to finally found a good helper who was patient to attend to their needs and took care of them while we were out at work. The battle ended last year, they fought a good fight. My Mother-in-law left us in Aug 2015 followed closely by my Father-in-law in Oct 2015. My in-laws loved our helper a lot, because of the love she had showered sincerely over them and caring for them from her heart. Hence, they promised that we will keep her as long as she will want to work in Singapore. Since then, we inherited our helper.

What has changed since we got a helper?
1) Sacrifice our small room, that was prepared for the baby, so now we got to do away our study room for the baby which is ok. Not too bad a change or too big a sacrifice.
2) Nice home cooked meals. Previously, it was harder because we always got to be at our in-law place so we hardly cook at home and those times we can be home slightly earlier after visiting them, we have chores to do, so we always end up eating out.
3) Privacy issues, definitely you can no longer live like there's no one else in the house.
4) Cafe sessions, hanging out with Ivan and sometimes with our friends. Honestly, this is only possible after we have our helper.
5) Quality time, to build relationship with friends and people important to us and having a bit of time to ourselves for hobbies and entertainment.

Now with Zara around, i am just thankful we have a helper. Not a need, but i am thankful. I get to spend time to play, interact, feed, change her diapers, hugging her... instead of washing endless diaper cloths, laundry, vacuuming the house, mopping the floor, cooking, washing toilet and many more. By the time i finish all these chores, i think i would have missed a huge part of Zara growing up.

I think it really depends on what you feel is important. Many mothers have to go back to work after their 4 months maternity. Thereafter, to have a helper vs to put your kid at infant care, to me it's almost like it's the same. Your baby is under the care of someone and the person is not you. So if by the time you get home from work and have all the chores before you, it reduces the time you have with your kid even more.

As parents, we are not just the provider. We are also the one who shower love on them so they know that they are loved. Protector, how do you protect your child if you are not there for them or don't spend time to know what they are going through in their daily lives. Teacher of life, they grow up observing the way we live, the way we speak and the way we bring them up, how we nurture and educate them will determine who they become. And of course as parents, we are the pastor, the one who will cover them with prayers and teaching them the way of the Lord.

These are what i feel is important and task that should not be passed on to someone else. Don't depend on teachers in school to teach your kids the way of life. Don't depend on Sunday school teachers to teach your kids the way of the Lord. Spend time with your children on what is important.

I am not pro having helper, neither am i against having one. I can only say that i am thankful i have one. Very very thankful. Does having a helper make me a less capable person who no longer know how to do chores? I don't think so. If in the event i no longer have my helper, then i will just do the chores, period.

Acts 6:2 

"It is not desirable that we should leave the word of God

(what's more important) and serve tables."

Silent Night

Why did i choose night routine over the fixed hourly feed routine?

Every option has its pro and cons, its supporter and opposers.

Meaning, i think there's no right or wrong method, just the preference of the parents.

Many people belief that you should feed on a 2/3/4 hourly basis depending on the age and feeding habits of the baby and keep it constant through the day, including the night hours.

As feeding and food is a very important of growing and development, this method is believed to provide a consistent amount of nutrients for the growing baby.

This method of feeding will cause the baby to develop and fixed routine of feeding, including the night feeds.

I wanted to try this in the day for Zara at first, but due to her growth sprout, it seems like her feeding time and amount are not consistent as much as i want it to. For those who believe strongly in the fixed timing feeding routine, does it mean that i shouldn't feed when she is hungry because i want her to fix in the routine? For me, i feed when she is hungry.

So how do we set the night routine?

What we do is, we usually will shower her around 3+pm and feed her after her shower.

At this point, she is quite fresh so we will play and interact with her more.

Then we will feed her again and put her in bed just before sunset. 

Usually by this time she will be very sleepy after the feed.

All activity stops, no switching on of lights in her room.

If she needs to change diaper or anything, it will be done in the dark.

No switching on of lights is a very or the most important step i feel. Because the light causes the baby to be confused thinking that it's day time again and their body automatically become more active in the day.

Do we ignore her cry for milk at night?

Of course not. If she is hungry, she is hungry. Once the sunset and everything is dark, her body automatically tells her that it's night time and it's sleeping mode. She will sleep from evening all the way till 3am and she will wake up crying for another feed. Once day break, she is back to every 2-3 hourly feed.

How do you know the pattern of your baby feeding habit?

Do up a daily time log. It helps to keep track of how much she drank earlier and for you to roughly know what time she will be hungry again.

How can knowing the habit work for our benefit?

We noticed that the longest she can go is to sleep 9 hours straight, hence we introduced another feed at 11pm every night (without her crying for it) so that she can sleep right through. Currently, she will feed at 7+pm just before sunset, 11pm feeding in the dark and most of the time after introducing the 11pm feed, she will only wake up at 6+ or 7am for her morning feed :)

What is other factors that may affect the results?

Personally, i feel that not having the baby sleeping in the same room as the parent makes this training a lot more possible. Firstly, if the baby is in the same room as you, it is very very hard to not on the lights after sunset every night. Secondly, i think most parent will not be able to help it to keep checking if the baby is ok, sleeping well, too warm, too cold.......... and the list goes on........... We need to know that sleep cycle happens every 45mins as we go from light to deep sleep. So you will expect to see that your baby tend to stretch a bit, move a bit, make a bit of noise in the intervals of these cycles. If you can't help it and attend to the baby during these intervals and talking to them and asking them questions, you might end up waking them up from their sleep -> which often leads to the baby feeling hungry and wants a feed or becoming cranky because their sleep is interrupted.

Every baby is different and hence the method may differ too. Like i say in the beginning, there's no right or wrong way. I'm just thankful that this worked for us and Zara. I hope it works for you too! ;) It's never too late or too early to train or develop a routine :)

P.S Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

How it started?

In 2014 March, Ivan and i went on a mission trip together to Philippines, Iloilo. This is the first time we signed up and served on missions together and the first time we are on medical missions. Very different from usual mission trips, this trip we had to do medical post at a few different locations, setting up BP stations, consultations and issuing of medication.

At one of the location where the slums are, we saw a very cute little girl and we both fall in love with her. I got to visit her house which was a very small wooden house the size of our usual HDB study room, just enough for a queen size bed, no walking space and the family got to squeeze together and sleep inside.

During that trip, we got to give out toys and stationery to the kids in those slum area and so we give her a cute teddy bear. :)

That was the first time the seed was sown in our hearts, but at that point, there were many things happening at home and we were not sure if we could commit and emotionally able to give full love and support to the child what she will need.

June 2016, i went Iloilo again for medical mission. This time, Ivan was not there with me. When i visited the same slum and saw this girl, she has grown up to be a beautiful little girl. She remembers me and will always come and find me.

After sending this photo to Ivan, he asked if the girl would like to come to Singapore. I would love to, but i think it's going to be a big decision for Ivan as the man in the house, so i told him to think and pray about it before we decide.

During this trip, i got to visit many more houses in the slum where the children are all living in cramped up places, lack of education due to the lack of financial ability to send them to school and some are left to fend for themselves etc. Human trafficking rate was also high. There, the desire to provide a family and a home for these children grew.

We started finding out how can we go about adopting a child from these places. After much research and speaking to different authorities, Singaporeans are not allowed to adopted from Philippines. It's some inter country regulations stuff. Just like we cannot adopt from Korea and Japan and some other countries as well.

After praying and talking through, i personally also spoke to my spiritual mentor who encouraged me to go for it and got me to link up with a couple who also have adopted. Speaking to another family who also have adopted, we were referred to attend an adoption workshop to find out more and to see if we are really prepared for it.

And so, as we research and go for the workshop etc the desire in us grew. It is NOT because our family is incomplete without a child and therefore we choose to adopt. I think Ivan and i are doing fine with children of our good friends running around and for us to dote on all the time. As a family, we are also happy the way we are and of course every family have their own problems or things we need to work out, but those are definitely NOT the reason why we decide to adopt.

Baby Zara was adopted and is now our daughter forever. As much as the joy baby Zara will bring to us, we pray that we will be godly parents to her and provide for her the future she would not have had. Bringing her up in the way and the fear of the Lord.