God in Repetitions

It's been officially 10 years since i graduated from CHBTC (now known as SOT). Most graduates will tell you that they may have forgotten 95% of the theological teachings, sermons, notes and etc.  But the thing they will never forget are the encounters.

However, on my way home from AZ Leaders thanksgiving last night, i was reminded of a sermon that impacted me during my bible school days. I remember it was a Swedish pastor. He started the sermon with the following illustration:

"One day, a pastor of the seminary entered and started to preach to the congregation.

It was a really good and impactful sermon and the people are blessed. 

On the 2nd day, the pastor returned to the class and started preaching again.

After awhile, the people noticed that it was the exact sermon he shared the day before.

Hoping that there might be a twist somewhere, they sat through the whole sermon but in the end, 

it was the exact same sermon! 

3rd day, the pastor came and started preaching again, the same sermon. 

This time, the people were confused and frustrated. 

They reasoned among themselves and was wondering if someone should go and tell the pastor that he had already preach this sermon twice and now the third time. But no one had the courage. 

On the 4th day, as they hear the sermon for the 4th time, many begin to be distracted during the sermon, minds drifting away, falling asleep and some got bitter and left half way. 

Knowing what was on their minds, the pastor continue preaching, the exact same sermon. 

Now the week has come to an end, it was the 5th day. Some did not turn up that day, some came feeling bored and totally lost focus and some were left confused but still kept coming. And the pastor said this, "God is often found in repetition. Most of us hope that our everyday walk with God will be filled with new revelations everyday, signs and wonders, the fire, the wind, the storm... But yet, the Lord is in the still small voice. If we cannot go through the repetitions, we will be disappointed."

If we get tire of repetitions, the bible itself is repetition.. Being in church for so long, we have the danger of 'hearing that sermon before many times'; 'we know what pastor is going to share'; 'we know the revelation of that certain verse or passage already'... Like some of the people in the illustration, we start to loss focus, minds drifted away..

But let us be reminded that God is often found in repetitions. Most of the time, we encounter God not only in mega events or activities, but in the repetition of our daily routines. Our prayer time everyday is often not filled with hair standing, open visions, seeing angels moments.. but simply reading the bible and seeking the face of God daily. 

Just for laugh,

Do you know your PROVIDER?

(I am) God's adopted people

During this journey, of course many 'what ifs' flooded our minds. what if they feel that they are not loved because they are adopted? What if they want to look for their birth parents? what if? what if? what if? and what if they ask about their birth? how should i reveal it to the child next time?

As all these questions came naturally to mind, i prayed and asked God how should i explain to Zara next time about adoption. And as i prayed, God revealed the best story to me and i teared.

I am not born a Jew, not God's own people by birth.
I am a Gentile.
I am God's adopted people.

Because of His love,
He paid a price (through Jesus Christ) to bring me back to Him.
He made it possible to have a relationship with Him.
He poured out His love over me and took me as His own.
For the first time, i could call Him "Abba Father"
He brought me into His house and gave me a family i did not have.
He promised me a future and placed eternity in my heart.
He prepared for me an inheritance i was not entitled to.
A brand new life.

Adoption has been like a taboo word in most culture and tradition. So is it wrong to want to adopt a child not for some noble reasons but simply because you really wanted a child? Personally, i think that if a couple feels that they have got love to give, why not? How blessed is the child who is given that opportunity to be loved!

We will pour out our love on Zara and teach her the way of the Lord, to the best we know how. Even if, we eventually have our own child, we will love them just the same. Like how God love us unconditionally and without partiality, we aim to do that to the best we know how.

How it started?

In 2014 March, Ivan and i went on a mission trip together to Philippines, Iloilo. This is the first time we signed up and served on missions together and the first time we are on medical missions. Very different from usual mission trips, this trip we had to do medical post at a few different locations, setting up BP stations, consultations and issuing of medication.

At one of the location where the slums are, we saw a very cute little girl and we both fall in love with her. I got to visit her house which was a very small wooden house the size of our usual HDB study room, just enough for a queen size bed, no walking space and the family got to squeeze together and sleep inside.

During that trip, we got to give out toys and stationery to the kids in those slum area and so we give her a cute teddy bear. :)

That was the first time the seed was sown in our hearts, but at that point, there were many things happening at home and we were not sure if we could commit and emotionally able to give full love and support to the child what she will need.

June 2016, i went Iloilo again for medical mission. This time, Ivan was not there with me. When i visited the same slum and saw this girl, she has grown up to be a beautiful little girl. She remembers me and will always come and find me.

After sending this photo to Ivan, he asked if the girl would like to come to Singapore. I would love to, but i think it's going to be a big decision for Ivan as the man in the house, so i told him to think and pray about it before we decide.

During this trip, i got to visit many more houses in the slum where the children are all living in cramped up places, lack of education due to the lack of financial ability to send them to school and some are left to fend for themselves etc. Human trafficking rate was also high. There, the desire to provide a family and a home for these children grew.

We started finding out how can we go about adopting a child from these places. After much research and speaking to different authorities, Singaporeans are not allowed to adopted from Philippines. It's some inter country regulations stuff. Just like we cannot adopt from Korea and Japan and some other countries as well.

After praying and talking through, i personally also spoke to my spiritual mentor who encouraged me to go for it and got me to link up with a couple who also have adopted. Speaking to another family who also have adopted, we were referred to attend an adoption workshop to find out more and to see if we are really prepared for it.

And so, as we research and go for the workshop etc the desire in us grew. It is NOT because our family is incomplete without a child and therefore we choose to adopt. I think Ivan and i are doing fine with children of our good friends running around and for us to dote on all the time. As a family, we are also happy the way we are and of course every family have their own problems or things we need to work out, but those are definitely NOT the reason why we decide to adopt.

Baby Zara was adopted and is now our daughter forever. As much as the joy baby Zara will bring to us, we pray that we will be godly parents to her and provide for her the future she would not have had. Bringing her up in the way and the fear of the Lord.

Give up or Surrender?

Many have asked, have you tried the many many possible methods like the Chinese traditional ways, IVF, medical procedures etc?

My answer is, yes we have tried in our own ways and yes there are medical limitations.

Why didn't we go for IVF?

Firstly, yes IVF have helped many people, but I think IVF is not a solution to everything and everyone? As much as it has helped many, there were even more who didn't work out that are not spoken of. In fact, many people whom i know only got pregnant after giving up trying IVF.

Some asked, why would we chose to adopt and not wait for our own miracle child?

Is it because we no longer have faith that God can bless us with a child of our own?

Did we adopt because we have given up trying?

We have faith that God will bless us with our miracle child and we still believe. We are still praying and trusting God. The decision to adopt has nothing to do with our faith and trust in God. We will and have not given up.

So why did we choose to adopt?

We will share in the next post :)

Gift from God

Some may ask: 'Is there a faith crisis?'
I would laugh at that question.

First of all, we believe that Zara is a gift from God :) going through many different seasons of life in the past 5 years, i think Zara is the best gift thus far.

Though she did not came about as many have expected and could only accept, I believe we have prayed and God has answered our prayer in His very own way.

I believe she is in the plan of God and brought to us through different angels.

Some may know that the waiting process was also not easy through the constant changing and uncertainty about the outcome of the baby. Somehow, we just know that God has reserved her for us.

Romans 8:28

All things works together for the good for those we love Him and are called according to His purpose

Falling in love with her at first sight and every single day after.

The official beginning!

This is my 2nd time meeting this little angel. Since our first meeting, we have fallen in love with her and have been thinking and missing her the few days of waiting.

After feeding her and changing her into some clean clothes, we were off on our journey home to a special beginning for both me and ivan, and for this little angel. From this day, we will name her ZARA YEO JING EN.

We pray that she will grow up in the way of the Lord, loving God, loving His people, loving His house and loving His presence. Grow up strong and healthy, serving and shining for His glory.

On the way home, she was peacefully sleeping in her car seat :)

And then when we got home, she eat, diaper change and sleep so peacefully.

And Ivan just couldn't get his eyes off her.

Honestly, the reality hasn't quite set in yet. The reality that i am now a mother. The reality that there is this tiny being that i need to take care of and take responsibility of. But i'm sure it will soon!

However, not having the advantage of the 9 months to prepare and to research and etc. 

I am very thankful for friends!

For Peihua who came in the afternoon to give advise, to accompany me 

and also to teach me how to bath her. 

For Jo, who came with a cute balloon for Zara, gave advise and prayed for Ivan, baby Zara and me.

For Weifang, Yang zheng and Isabelle who came after work and school to visit and have dinner with us.

For Kimmy and Kimmy's Mummy who came by just to shower her with their love.

<3 <3 <3

Touched. Moved.

Just read a blog that brought tears to my eyes.

I wish I could have known how you felt all along so I could be there to understand what you were going through better.

I wished I could have understand and know how all of you felt and what all of you are going through so I could be a lot more understanding.
I want to stop thinking that I know it all because I know I don't!
It is not about me, it's all about you.

I thought I lived the best I know how, till I realized the things you were going through.
I pray I'll move.
My heart, to pray for every single one of you, for all that you are going through.
To believe with you, the kinda dreams you have!
To live, to laugh and to love together.

Honestly, I missed the times we had.
Now that all of you are busying about things you care, maybe it was me who did not care enough.
I want to be apart, I want to be there.
Walking through the pain and sharing all the joy.
Lord, teach me how to care.
Not so that you will obey, but just so that I can be there.

Thanks for opening up and sharing with me your life, because it really mattered to me.
As much as how it all mattered to you. It really does to me.
I'll be praying together with you, believing for that future you hold.
I know you will make it through, no matter how bad the storm may seems.
The time will come, when everything will be made beauty in His time.
I know and I'm sure.