actually even the words in June were given beforehand..
Where did the promises that things will be better after exams and there will be more activities went to?
somehow things did change after exams, but for the worse since the end of his exams in the 2nd last week of May.
after his exams, he went for 4 interviews out of the 5 weekdays
Saturdays are always kept for his members
then he started work the very next week on the 1st of June
with the new job he works from 830am to 7pm on the weekdays
feeling very very tire after work, we could hardly spend much time
then left sundays, which he sometimes want to spend it with his family or with kl and wenkai they all
2 weeks past and he told me its because he just started working and i got to give him time
well one month plus had past and nothing improved
somehow i felt that it got worse
he got even more tire easily
some monday evening we will spend it at the gym and then go home and relax
tuesday got meeting then he will be very tire
wednesdays he got tuition and he will be tire and want to go home after that
thursdays he wants to stay home to prepare for cg and rest
fridays and saturdays are for his members
sundays are shared evenly among me, family and friends
we just crossed our 8th month on the 2nd of July with the record of only not meeting for 16 days out of the 8 months
somehow most of the time i am the one looking for him, finding him at his house etc
and this coming 8 months i am planning to just be normal and don't make special effort to be the one finding him when he doesn't want to meet and see how many days will we not meet if i don't find him
and in just the past 2 weeks, we already went unmet for 3 days
nowadays he gets tire very easily and i know that he got work
but whenever he is with his members and he can just stay up all night with them, talk to him on the phone enthusiastically and gets to busy to even say 'hi' to me when he is with his members
makes me feel completely not important, or maybe worse
for no better choice of words, 'i'm asking for it'
last night i was completely tore and reached one of my ceilings when after weifang cg i was suppose to meet him to eat together
i called him when i was on the way to his house on a cab because i know he want to prepare sermon and i scare he is tire, hoping that i can meet him along the coffeeshop to buy food
but to realized he had ate without me, feeling disappointed i asked whether he can walk out to buy food with me because i am VERY HUNGRY and actually i got no money with me
he sounded so reluctant and asked me to just buy food myself and go to the house
i felt so broken, so unwanted and it makes me feel like, why am i doing all this and what for?
though in the end he still did walk out a bit, but i didn't buy food and just ate abit of cereal at his house
and though he did apologize and promise that he won't do it again
this time the feelings and the pain just can't go away
i hate to feel like this and i don't want to harden my heart or my emotions against him because i know that when i do, i can be really hard
